MIAMI (The Borowitz Report)—What are being called “highly sensitive official documents” have mysteriously gone missing from the Wilkie D. Ferguson, Jr. U.S. Courthouse in Miami, Florida, members of the courthouse’s security team have revealed.
Harland Dorrinson, head of security for the federal courthouse, said that the documents were “safe and sound” in the morning but had “suddenly disappeared” in the afternoon.
“These documents belong to the court and cannot be legally removed from the court,” he said. “The person who did so has committed a serious crime.”
Dorrinson acknowledged that he and his team have “no leads whatsoever” as to the identity of the perpetrator and asked the public for their assistance in cracking the case.
“Whoever took these papers has no respect for the property of the federal government,” he said. “Who would do something like that?”
